Well. Here we freakin' go again. Sorry for da absence in my postings, but it's been a crazy couple weeks 'round this purina stand. Mom had to get a "new shoulder" in December 'n far as I can tell all that mean is that Dad has been doin' a lot more dishes (so, like, a few of them) n I been gettin' a lot less hikes (or, like, none of them, if you wanna be pacific).
For Christmas this year, Mom gave me a "learning toy." Some stupid-ass gingerbread house with all these little squeak-toys that go inside and you supposed to take the little toys outta it. Needless to say, I gave it a sniff and that was that for the learning toy. Learn this, Ma. Keep your learnin' toys to yourself.
For New Years we went over to da Arianos who are super awesome. Their kids -- Bronco, Ceci n Steve -- is aight, too. Whens it come to Bronco, I learned it's best to avoid eye contact. When it comes to Steve, not doin' eye contact is easy cuz his eyes are at the side o' his head 'stead of on the front. Ceci is a pretty cool bitch, though I did not 'ppreciate her jumps into MY mom's lap. Uh, HELLO? Jeez. The problem was da other dogs at this shin-dig. The Arianos neighbors' got two pups. One is totally blind and loves to bark, n the other has three legs n love to bite. Sorta weird interests but then again I like rollin' in horse poo so to each his freakin' own.
There was two awesome parts of New Years. One was that -- n I only did this cuz no one else was steppin' up to the job - I became the official New Years Eve greeter. This meant that anytime a guest arrived in the backyard I said hi. Unfortunately Mom didn't seem to like the way I was sayin' hi. She said it was more like I was running full steam in their direction while yelling WHO DO YOU KNOW GET OUT OR ELSE. I guess I could sorta see the mis-terpetation. But regardless, I did not enjoy being put in Mom's car as punishment, where I was then forced to protect the vehicle until midnight.
The other awesome part of New Years happened when Mom started to feel bad about how I wasn't gettin' to celebrate (because she had put my ass on security detail for her car -- I mean, she didn't exactly say I had to protect the car but that's how this bitch rolls, and you is welcome). So definitely drunk Mom let me out n' good thing she did cuz that's when this other bitch -- Frankie (yeah that's her name and she is definitely in da mafia) -- jumped Chester like he stole her meatloaf marinara. (Bitch was fat. That's what I'm tryin' to say here.)
Now here's the thing 'bout other dogs pouncin' on my turf (Chester). It ain't cool. So damn if I was gonna let Frankie treat Chester like an overstuffed meatball sub. That's my job, FOOL.
So when we heard the shrieks (Damn Chester sounds like a BITCH when he get kicked) Mom called from her fat planted ass to Dad, "That's Chester!" but my skinny butt was already on da scene. By the time Dad had snatched up Cheddar-head, I was layin' down the smack to Frankie tellin her YO JUICEHEAD GET CHO OWN CALZONE.
Mom thought it was real sweet how I done that. She tole Dad "Did you see how Stella was protecting him?" Fact she got a little misty eyed but maybe it was cuz she was guzzlin' her eighth PBR n some o' those was bubblin' to the surface.
Happy freakin' New Year.
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