Happy Birthday to Me, Bitches!

Hola Gringos. Today is the anniversary of me gettin' a freakin' mom. And in keeping with tradition, my parents are ditching my ass. That's right, for the second time in three years they are leaving town on my birthday. They did take me for a birthday walk sans ass-face. It was appreciated. Though it was not appreciated that Mom proceeded to talk on da phone for half an hour and after she got off Dad was like, "Wow. thought we were going on a birthday walk." And Mom was like, "Sorry!" and Dad was like, "It's okay." But it didnt seem okay. And I had to agree with him that Mom sucks.

That's Right, Bitches!

I'm back on da BOOK! Here's the email I got this morning: Hi, Your account was mistakenly suspended due to an error by Facebook's site security system. We sincerely apologize for this inconvenience. We have reactivated your account and you will now be able to log in. Thanks for your understanding, The Facebook Team Looks like I fought da law and schooled that mofo! Oh man. I feel so giddy right now I could lick the inside of Chester's mouth. Hold on. Okay I'm back. That tasted like shit, yo. Probably horse shit. Maybe his own. You never know with that salchicha. Anyway, I am really psyched to be back, though slightly disappointed all I got was that shitty form letter when I put so much time n thought and freakin' FEELING into my letter to those honkies.

An Open Letter to Facebook.

After my recent expulsion from da joys of facebooking, I sent this email to Facebook. (mom told me I should try to clean up my potty mouth since this is a "professional" letter. I asked mom if wearing a tube top to work is similarly "professional.") This is my email: Dear Facebook, Yo wuzzup. I hope you are doing good. I am not doing good. The reason I am not doing good is cuz the other day I tried to log on to my dope-butt account and got a crazy-butt message that I was "disabled." Now first of all, my brother chester is disabled so I was personally offended you be using that word. You should change it to say, Account has been retarded. Next of alls, what the F! I freakin' love Facebook. I use that shoot everyday to connect and share with da peeps in my life. Then I got to thinking you are discriminating against me cuz I'm black. Well, that's f-ed up, yo! Damn right I grew up in East LA and lived da gangsta life but I've been a good bitch, mostly, in a good home, mostly, for going on 3 years. Holla! I hope you will make my account unretarded soon. Myspace sucks testes. Peace out, Stella Nashorn

Assbook

I just tried to log onto Facebook and got this f-ed up message:

Apparently my account has been "disabled." So all I can say to you, ASSBOOK, is that if we ever meet on da streets of LA I will DISABLE you, fucker!!!!

At least I still have myspace: myspace.com/lil_blak_dog_w_no_manners

Grandma and Grandpa Came for a Visit

Grandpa refused to be photographed for my blog. Grandma said okay. (Mom said that's probably only cuz she don't know what a blog is. Man, is my mom a TURD.)

Staycation

So basically I just wanted to put it out there that I've had a freaking crappy-ass summer. Mom and Dad keep going away and leaving my ass behind. So far they've gone to Maine and to Hilton Head. Chester has gone to Palm Springs. And Stella has gone No Where. WTF.

Mom and Dad went to a waterfall and got lobster.

This is the lobster they gave me.

The moose was clearly also for me eventhough they gave it to Chester.

IndePAIN IN MY ASS Day

I would just like to say that me n Chester n Marcello was talking and we all agreed that the 4th of July is nastier than the occasional piece of fruit mom puts in her fleshy face. It didn't help that this year mom spent the whole day working and dad spent the whole day drinking so where did that leave me and ass-face? Alone. In the bedroom. Traumatized by our neighborhood full of Mexicans celebrating America by setting off illegal fireworks.