UGH. Like old as shit Chester gettin' outta bed, this post be a long time comin. Not much be new except that the lump be startin' to talk and it's like WOW, I did not know how annoying that could be. To mom's great joy and my torture, Lump now know everybody names. She be all, "Ste-la," "Don-al," "Che-ta" and it sooooo irritating. Like, I hear her crazy little ass comin' down da sidewalk squawkin' mah name 'n gloaty mom all like, "Yes, you are going to see Stella! Very good!" (Can I take a sec to comment on how many times I gotta hear the lump complimented when she take a book off the shelf or take a sip a water or fill her nasty ass diaper?) Anyways, then she come inside and immediately she lookin' for me n I tryin' to hide but damn my house be small and filled with crap and by crap I mostly mean Donald and Chester n the cats.
The worst thing about Lump knowin' mah name is when she take it 'pon herself to yell at me. Like, when I outside and someone walkin' by n I kindly inquire WHY THE EFF YOU GOTTA WALK BY MY HOUSE MOVE ALONG DON'T LOOK AT ME HOMES KEEP MOVING I SAID DON'T LOOK AT MY ASS. N now before mom can even open her wide-load mouth, I be hearin' the lump, like she da police or some shit all, "STE-LA! STE-LA! STE-LA!!" Like, you for real?? You tellin' me what to do? You can't even put on ya shirt with that stupid monkey or kitty or perfume bottle on it. (I can't put on a shirt neither but that just because I don't wear shirts. 'Cept on Halloween when mom decide to show how much she can suck and guess what it a lot.)
Sometimes we be walkin' in the hood on a lame-ass "family walk" which mean mom has guilted dad's ass into comin wid us and I gotta hear lump commentary every time I pop a squat. "Pee-pee" "Poo-poo." ("Very good, Lump!"). Shoot me now. Worse of all is when some other joker start barkin' in they yard and know what happen next? Lump start brayin' "STE-LA! STE-LA!" Like every barkin bitch be me! Talk about discrimination! Shit ain't right.
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