Yo, This Weather is F-ed Up

Dude, I am, like, seriously losing my mind. It has been mad rainy for the last few days n I am totally over this shit. I am extra pissed at Mom cuz yesterday it was beautiful weather and I was like, Yo, let's hook it up and go hike Elysian or Griffith or some shit. N Mom went to the gym instead! (What was extra f-ed up was that she used the same bag for the gym as she use when we go to the park so I was like, SCORE and then I was like... WTF?! Whore!) To pass the time TRAPPED INSIDE I have been super bratty with Chester mostly cuz he sucks and I hate him. I am also making sure to jump up on Mom with my wet paws until she yells "OFF STELLA OFF" a few times. I also wiped my dirty feets on the bed. Take that, biotch! You make your bed o lies, now sleep in that shit!

Kind Of Almost Okay Mom

Mom told me yesterday that I am gettin' a few days break from my Gentle Leader because she don't want an ugly DENT in my nose for "pictures." I don't really give a flying Chester about da dent but damn, yo, I feels like I just broke outta juvie not havin to wear that gay ass Gentle Leader. I've been showing Mom I don't need that shit anyway but draggin' her ass everywhere we go, launchin myself at cats n birds n anything that moves. If I keep it up maybe I never need it again! The one thing I am kinda nervous about is what she talking about pictures. Last couple years have been real annoying posing for that shit. Plus this year I saw Mom showing Dad some flyer about Dogs and Santa and Dad said, Hell No I'm not taking her to that. But Mom was like, Fine, YOU don't have to whatever! She had that determined look that she gets when she's eating so I'm kinda a scared bitch. I just hope my Mom knows better than to think I could handle some f-ing stranger dressed up in a big ass costume touchin me n askin' what I want for Christmas. (In case you is interested, I want the same thing as I asked for last year and didn't get: My own bedroom. Oh and Chester back at North Central. And also a kitten. That's it! JEEZ!)