Keepin' My Mother Freakin' Name

Yo listen up. Maybe you folks is heard the news that my parents are gonna get married so that me n Chester aren't bastard children no more. But no matter what stupid last name mama gets, I want you all to be clear: This bitch is Stella Nashorn to the mother-freakin' end, dude. Also, I would just like to say -- for the freakin' record -- that when dad was acting the tard today, down on one knee, dealing with mom's hysterical shite -- that me n Chester was chillin on the couch and didn't even look up when that bs was going down. You know why, holmes? Well, Chester didn't react cuz he's retarded. (Kinda a trick question.) But I didn't say nothin' cuz who's really surprised by this "news"? I mean, who the heck else gonna marry these fools? The best/only good part of the day was when Becca came over and hooked my ass up with some pizza. Mom didn't give me any of the goods cuz she was busy feeding herself. (Go ahead, Mom. Stuff your hole with pizza, ice cream and beers. I'm sure they make some great wedding mumus.)