Coyotes Isn't Just For Smuggling Mexicans

Today Mom and me went to the park just us which was AwEsOme! Except towards the end of the hike this guy passes us and goes, "There's a coyote up ahead. You may wanna leash your dog." And Mom was like, "Stell! Get over here now!" Cuz I was runnin' like a wild bitch who hasn't gotten a hike in FOREVER because I hadn't gotten a hike in forever. Anyways, I suffer the indignity of bein' on my freakin' leash and we keep walking for a bit and Mom's like, "I don't see anything, Stella." But as soon as she said that of course we saw it. Now usually these coyotes is some oogly-ass scrawny mofos that get all scared soon as they see my big fat mom walking over. But this one was pretty sturdy lookin', prolly my size. And this creep was just looking right at us, even when Mom tried to act tough and front like she was gonna attack (HA that's so funny I forget to laugh.) Since Mom's antics wasn't doin' nothing I started to turn on the gansta and I was like, "YO, you got a starin' problem, buddy?" and "Take a picture it'll last longer, chump!" And "MOM! Stop tightening my leash so freakin' short. JEEZ." Then Mom picks up a stick for God's knows why. But she don't move and she wouldn't let me get away to school that freak so we're just standing there like a couple of Chesters. Finally this dude comes jogging along and sees the staring contest and he's like, "I'll scare it away" and he runs down and yells and claps his hands and that dumb ass coyote skitters off and Mom ran us down to the parking lot. I wanted Mom to wait while I gave that peeping tom a taste of the East side, but Mom said, "Get in the car, Stella."

Back to School Sucking

Because Mom sucks, today we went to "Advanced" training classes. Basically, Mom thought it would be fun to torture me for her own amusement. The teacher seriously brought up getting her dog to go into the fridge and get a beer. WTF! You got a problem with your chubby legs? JEEZ! But the main part of today's ass I mean class okay I really did mean ass was to respond to some f-ing "clicker." Some of the other tard dogs in the class were all about touching their freakin nose to a popcicle stick for a click and a treat. Not this bitch! That clicker was seriously f-ed up. After a few loud clicks near my face for some measily hot dog bits I was like, peace, yo. I stopped even looking at Mom. Mom told the teacher I was scared of the clicker. Lezle said keep trying. By now I was heading back to the car. Finally Lezle asked Mom if she could make a clicking noise with her mouth. Apparently, Mom's face fat is good for more than eating. Lezle complimented Mom on being able to make a loud clicking sound. Way to go, Mom. You are an asshole.

Keepin' My Mother Freakin' Name

Yo listen up. Maybe you folks is heard the news that my parents are gonna get married so that me n Chester aren't bastard children no more. But no matter what stupid last name mama gets, I want you all to be clear: This bitch is Stella Nashorn to the mother-freakin' end, dude. Also, I would just like to say -- for the freakin' record -- that when dad was acting the tard today, down on one knee, dealing with mom's hysterical shite -- that me n Chester was chillin on the couch and didn't even look up when that bs was going down. You know why, holmes? Well, Chester didn't react cuz he's retarded. (Kinda a trick question.) But I didn't say nothin' cuz who's really surprised by this "news"? I mean, who the heck else gonna marry these fools? The best/only good part of the day was when Becca came over and hooked my ass up with some pizza. Mom didn't give me any of the goods cuz she was busy feeding herself. (Go ahead, Mom. Stuff your hole with pizza, ice cream and beers. I'm sure they make some great wedding mumus.)