Yo so I gotta say, this bitch has relaxed, like, a lot in recent years when it come to my cuisine. Back in the day, ain't nobody could glance in the sort of direction of Stella's bowl without gettin' a HEY FUGLY YOU GOT A STARIN' PROBLEM. These days, things is more chill. I might just react like Mom do when she see Dad with something and she say something like she trying to be innocent (but gimme a break it's Mom) like, Oh I didn't know we had M&Ms. I be like, OH WHAT YOU LOOKING AT YEAH I DO GOTTA NICE BOWL THANK YOU FOR NOTICIN' NOW YOU CAN LEAVE, QUICKLY THOUGH.
The cats still ain't 'llowed to gander more than a quick peek but here n there I even seen Cheesedoor or Dunceald take a dip into Stella's kibble n I be like, I'll kick your ass for that later but now, Aight.
But it been makin' this bitch real nervous seein' the lump flingin' her crazy bod around da house and approachin' my dish. Anytime she poke that wheels-on-da-damn-bus-round face outta her doorway, I gotta stop whatever important thing my ass be doin' - kickin' Donald's ass, kickin' Chester's ass, eatin' my own ass - n sprint over to my bowl. Sometimes I take a few quick nervous nibbles (Not even hungry UGH this must be what Mom feel like when she keep eatin' long after her ass must be full). Or sometimes I just gotta guard those precious vittles as the lump flop in my direction. Yesterday, the lump had a particularly sneaky look in her eye as she approach and as I was watchin' over my plate like a soldier, I might have shown her just the tiniest bit of my teeth. Just, like, a little tiny bit. But Mom n Dad blew it WAY outta portion (like their own portions, amirite?). Dad jumped up like the New York Jets had won or lost or butt fumbled n grabbed all da food bowls off the ground while sayin' in a not very suggestin' way, STELLA. BEDROOM. And he even follow me in there which was rather unnecessary I thought.
Meanwhile, the lump overtook the water bowl and dumped it all out on the floor and a bunch went into the heating vent and made a bad smell that Dad maybe thought was a gas leak cuz she'd drenched the pilot light but it turned out it was just the water sizzling on the vent n reactin' with all the dog n cat hair down there (ain't my fault I been sheddin' layers for da summer, least someone trimmin' down JEEZ). Mom told Dad she was sorry, she was ABOUT to pick up the water bowl. But Stella think it more likely Mom was ABOUT to respond to somethin' on Facebook n wasn't really watchin' the lump scramble around like a walrus in miniature.
Anyway, Stella do NOT 'ppreciate that she the one gettin' sent to da bedroom when Lamp is da one breakin' the rules. It certainly ain't canine surgery if flippin' Queefster can learn which bowl be his...
