Can You Hear Me Now?

So for the last couple months years always, Cheesetwerp has been seriously stubborn.  Like, when we out for a walk (much shorter since why-can't-we-just-let-them-out-back Dad started taking us) Molestard gotta STOP in his tracks, then, with a glaring old man face he WAIT, and then he slowly walk to the tree he want to pee on, and then he sniff around for half a year, and then he go, sometimes.  I be like, Dude. Just tree n pee that shit it ain't like six steps and he look at me like I just spoke English.

He also don't come when still-fat-but-not-as-fat-but-still-fat Mom is calling yelling "Bedroom!" when it's time for us to get locked up for the day like prisoners or unloved dogs.  Sometimes she have to go stompin' around and find leaky eye Chest-durrrr who is usually hunting for crumbs in the kitchen (when his food bowl be full) or curled up looking old on MY favorite chair in da living room or that couple times he was INSIDE the cats' litterbox like it were his own private dog house havin' an all you can excrete cat turd buffet.

Anyhows, my points is it wasn't initially that 'prising when Mom was callin' his ass for a treat and he not comin'.  But then it was sort of weird cuz "treat" is the only word he knows besides (probably) his name.  And then it was like really weird cuz he was like right on the other side of the couch.

And that's when Mom n Dad figured out:  Holy Hearingaid, Chesturd is deaf.  Like, way deaf.  Like, he probably can't even hear when Mom is "asking" Dad to help with the lump person.  Mom n Dad was all confused like, How long this been going on?  N, How we didn't know?  N I was like, UH, HELLO?  You people has been lump-obsessed for the last three months and even before that it was a lot more, Let's buy these stupid tiny clothings and a lot less, Thank you for cleaning the sweat off my legs with your tongue, Stella.

But I digressin'.  Point is, Mom n Dad now tryin' to be a little more 'pathetic to when Chester be acting like he stubborn but really he can't be hearing.  However, does not having good ears mean you poop on the floor TWICE while Mom be leashing you up this Saturday cuz your butt get excited to go out and can't wait the 42 seconds 'til you outside?  'pparently so. 

Guess I'll just talk to you by kicking your ass.

Sexist Bitch in Eagle Rock

Yo.  Man, I been neglectin' this blog!  It's been almost a year since my last post so lemme fill yo asses in on what's up with my ass.  (Notice I said what's UP with my ass and not IN my ass so get the eff outta there Chester!)

First, mom got fat.  Like, more than regular mom fat.  Like, we was going to Elysian and mom was comin' home like, Guess what babe? (that's what she calls dad when she likes him) Chester is getting faster at the park!  He kept up so good!  And I was like, Umm, no.  Yo ass is getting slow.  Face the fats. 

It went on for months and months.  It got so bad she had to get all new clothes.  Excuse me?  This bitch has worn the same size coat since she was on the streets! 

Then one day mom was like, We need to move.  I'm so fat we need a second bedroom to put the fat into.  (Ok she didn't say that last part but why the heck else we gotta leave our den?) And dad was like, No, we can make things work here.  And mom was like, I always win.  And dad was like, No you don't ok yes you do. 

So mom found a place in Eagle Rock and dad was like, I don't like it.  And mom was like,......

So we moved to Eagle Rock.  And Mom got fatter and fatter until one day she was like, My water broke.  And I was like, Yeah just like when Chester's "water breaks" and everyone yells and we have to strip the bed and wash all the sheets.  Then Dad came home and was like, Is this really happening?  And Mom was like, Yes.  And then they left and came back two days later with some weird little lump person that they are calling "Aberdeen" even though Aberdeen is where me n the redheaded losers barked in the car while Mom n Dad was looking under some weird bridge and isn't a name at all. 

bridge.

lump.

Peace.