The only Nashorn in LA

shit, man.  what a crazy freaking couple of weeks.  not gonna lie, most of it has sucked.  for example, the above pictures which prove that mom has a serious mental problem.  ugh!  embarrassing!  to be honest, when mom and dad ditched our asses and went to Mexico it was probably the best part of the ordeal.  it was nice to not hear mom's constant "Do the dishes!  I suck!" and dad's obnoxious machine gun laugh for a few days.  JEEZ.  although it was pretty f-ing rude n shit when we received their postcard.  it was a picture of some stupid nightclub, Squid Roe, and they had written (well, clearly Mom had written since it was barely legible and I had to wait til Mom and Dad came home to have it deciphered) something along the lines of "This place is filled with loud music and strangers.  You'd hate it.  It's good you aren't here."  I mean, seriously?  What the F.  I hate you both more than any stranger.

Anyway, things are mostly back to normal around here:  Dad drinking all the beers and Mom grubbin on so much food it's no wonder she chipped her tooth on a fork -- the food is eaten off the fork, not along with it, JEEZ.  Peace, hos.  gansta love, Stella Nashorn          

The Doodle's 4th Freakin Bday

Yo so this weekend me and cheesedork went to Oscar's birthday in Runyon Canyon.  He is not very original with da venues -- as you may remember our fog friend had his birthday there last year.  Anyways, it was a pretty cool scene.  What was extra fun was that mom was playin with me -- throwin the ball for me to chase.  But after a while this bitch was mad tired -- it was 80 degrees n I was damn hot underneath my bad ass fur coat.  So I laid myself down in the grass in the hill with the ball -- so as I could be sure everybody was stayin in line and so I could make sure nobody else got to play with my shit.  Anyways, what do you know but some fat ass never get hiked pup starts heading over to my turf.  So, you know, I just kinda flashed my teeth, like the International code for PRIVATE PROPERTY, BIZNITCH BACK YO ASS UP.  So I don't know if this ho be blind or dumb or chester, but she kept on coming toward my valuable goods:  THE BALL.  So I had to lay the shit down!!!!  I chased her ass back down the hill and yeah, that's right, I gave her a little bite on the side, too.  Not to hurt her.  Just to say, Yo.  Stella wuz here.  

Anyway, after that shit Mom was not too pleased.  She had a face like when she catches Dad napping when he is supposed to be washing the dishes.  She scolded me in front of my friends and ran around collecting all the other balls and putting them away where I couldn't protect them.  And when it was time to cut the dog cake, Mom said loudly for everybody to hear, I don't think you deserve any dog cake, Stella.  But she gave it to me anyway because I think she felt bad depriving me of food that I actually need while she was shoveling in the Funfetti cupcakes and artichoke dip and onion dip and tortilla chips and brownies and, of course, Diet Coke.  

After the party we went to Griffith but Chester was so tired from bein in the sun and eating food and wandering away at Doodle's party that Mom had to carry him for part of the trail. 

 If you wanna see this bitch in action, click on da link below:

Stella Video!

Snowbitch

This past weekend, Mom n Dad took me n Ches-durr to Big Bear.  I had gone up a couple years ago n seen this pile of kinda cold white stuff but didn't really know what that shit was.  Well, this time I really got to experience it n it turns out I LOVE THE FREAKIN SNOW.  There was several feet on da ground and it was crazy, yo.  I didn't want to come inside.  I just wanted to run around like a mad bitch. 

The weekend was really fun overall.  Even Yankee wasn't as much of a douche nozzle as he usually is.  Maybe that fall down the icy stairs (DORK) knocked some sense into him.  Plus it was also cool that Cheesedoor is a pussy and was scared n cold in the snow so mostly me n mom was just chillin.  N by chillin I mean biting at her retarded space suit I mean snow suit and attackin her ass every time she tried to make one of her loser "snow angels."  

Sorry Bitches

Yo. I am mad sorry that my mom sucks. Basically her stubborn ass refuses to get a Mac so big f-ing surprise her computer got a virus so my ass aint been able to get to the bloggin. Anyways, not a ton new to report these days. Christmas was okay. At least me n re-re got to stay in our own house and terrorize da caretakers. Mom n Dad came home without a single present for me or Special Ed. Well, unless you count Tiger n I sure don't cuz that crazy mofo ate Mom n Dad's featherbed plus peed inside four times. Three times on the floor and one time on Mom. (That was mad funny, yo! When he did that shit Mom's face was like her face only uglier than usual.) One good thing that happened is that my grandparents sent me a kick ass present. A NEW BED to replace the bed that Steve peed on which was a replacement from when Yankee rrhea-ed on the bed before that. The bed before that fell apart in the wash. But I gots high hopes for this new bed! It has my mother-freakin name on it so nobody's allowed to get on it except me. And Dumbass if he feels like gettin his face eaten, which is often, apparently. Anyway, that's about it for the life n times of Stella. Oh, I also figured out how to put the windows down in Mom's car, which was extra handy when I wanted to emphasize my point to a passing motorcyclist. But freakin' Mom didn't like that shit too much so now her craptastic ass been locking the windows. What da F.