Bad Things Happen in Threes

Wow does my life freaking suck. This past weekend was bader than usual for the following reasons: 1) Peluso dropped off his tard baby for five freaking days. Highlights include Yankee being an asshole to me, stealing my moose, and transforming our delicious water bowl into 75% spittle and 25% ewwww. 2) The Raiders lost 38-0. What the freak, Darrius Heyward Bey! 3) We got attacked at the park by some crazy f-ing german shepard. Now, some of you might know that about a year ago my ass got jumped by a renegade shepard while I was walkin' in the neighborhood and that mofo tore me up! (My fur grew back and I have moved on but Dad is still traumatized.) Well, this time, me n Mom n Holly n Tiger n Butthead was walking in Elysian. And up ahead we hear this commotion. And I was like, I'm in, yo! But Mom n Holly was like, Let's put them on leashes. So we was walking by and this guy is holding back this HUGE freakin' shepard who is up on his hind legs freakin out on our asses. So I was like, Yo, what you gonna do, BIOTCH. And Mom was like, Leave it! But then, just as we passed, the shepard's collar up n BROKE and that crazy freak came charging at us. N Mom went street on his ass. Damn, yo. She was straight up Eastside. Screamin "GET YOUR BLANKING DOG GET YOUR BLANKING DOG" over n over while her n Holly kicked him n I showed him my teeth n Chester cried n tried to run away but he was on the leash so it didn't work out so good. Finally those chump owners got their dog... and then the collar broke again! And that psycho was back on the attack! I thought Mom was gonna freakin lose it, specially when the dog went in for Chester and BIT him on the back. (That is MY JOB, holmes!!!) The owners got the shepard but Mom was still yellin' and the owner guy was lookin' all annoyed and was like "Calm down" and Mom was like "BLANK YOU YOUR BLANKING DOG BIT MY BLANKING DOG BLANK YOU!" But then we just ran away cuz that shepard was still bein' crazy. And Mom checked out poop-for-brains and discovered that the shepard hadn't broken his thick skin and he was even waggin' his stupid tail. And Mom's finger turned all black n blue from the leash or some shit n she is showin' it off like a gang tattoo.

Football No-Fun-day

So this past week has kinda really sucked for me and it's all because my dad was raised to root for a crappy team. I'm a Raiders fan, through n through, and that's cuz we are freakin' badasses.

N last Sunday was awesome cuz we freakin' showed those dog killa Eagles, yo. But, of course, my celebration was cut short. Because at the same time as my homies was laying the smack down, the Jets was shittin the bed like the time Yankee shit my bed that one time and never replaced it. So Dad packed up all his Jets stuff and covered Chester's Jets food bowl with masking tape -- He wanted to throw it out but Mom reminded him of how long it took to convince Chester it was okay to eat out of that bowl and made him keep it. Most rude of all was that Dad packed away MY RAIDERS JERSEY. He told Mom, It's not funny anymore! I was like WTF? When was it ever funny? It's AWESOME. I got a Charles Woodson jersey and I rock that shit every Sunday. All I can say is, guess who's playing this Sunday, fool? JETS VS RAIDERS. And it's not gonna be pretty. For the Jets.